I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
