bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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