you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
