I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
