Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
