I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
