Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
