3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
