Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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