fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
