He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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