You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
