dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
