Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
