Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
