I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
