I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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