the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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