what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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