At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
