carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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