3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its liver damage thursday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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