Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I look better un-naked...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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