But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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