Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
