his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
