Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my poor anus
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
