just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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