the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
