at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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