why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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