Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
