i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
