even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
