She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Damn victory sex feels great
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
