So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
