Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
third nipple confirmed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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