Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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