Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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