i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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