Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
