I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
