I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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