i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
