Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
