So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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