jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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