Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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