Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
