Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
