went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
