dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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