His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
