You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
