Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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