end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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