smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
