That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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