Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
