you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
