tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize